THE DESTRUCTION OF REJECTION

I recently had the wonderful experience of watching two biographic films, Bohemian Rhapsody and Rocketman, about the lives of two legendary musicians. Originally I thought it would be good to enjoy the music which I grew up with again, but it contained some heart-wrenching truths that shadowed their lives. Truths we can relate to.

Both musicians were rejected by society and even their own families due to the lives they chose for themselves and also their sexual orientation. They both became addicted to drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism.

There is a heart-breaking scene in Rocketman where Elton John is told by his mother that he “will never be loved properly”. His father never attempted to have a genuine relationship with him and even disregarded presents from Elton as a waste. The rejection is palpable in both instances.

We all suffer some sort of rejection in our lives. We even tend to reject people if we do not agree with them or their way of living. We don’t necessarily end up as drug addicts or alcoholics, but the emotional scars are an indelible part of our lives. We learn to cope in different manners.

Our society has for the most part chosen to draw a veil over the problems that stemmed from the rejection people have to deal with. Our boys grew up with the idea of “cowboys don’t cry” and as a result they learned to suppress their feelings. They have to find other ways of dealing with the feelings of unworthiness and not being enough. Girls also had to do the same with their feelings and in many instances they sought acceptance in ways that cost them dearly.

In our small family circles we regularly experience rejection of some sort. It can range from minor instances to major abandonment. We often say things to others without considering the impact of our words. We crush someone’s dreams and hopes in an instant without being aware of the severe damage being done. We nonchalantly walk over people and expect them to get up and move forward, because that’s life. We never halt ourselves and think “Have my words or actions got the potential to have a negative impact on the other person?” We just plough through life regardless.

The scars as a result of rejection are rarely visible. We have become masters of hiding our hurts and pain. We don’t talk to counsellors, because we cannot be classified as “soft and unstable” by society. Children grow up and sometimes they are unable to cope with the overwhelming feelings of rejection. They find solace in various unhealthy activities of which drugs and alcohol is probably the most prevalent. Adults go through life with this suppressed anger and discontent in them and carry it into their relationships. The cycle of rejection gets repeated, because it becomes a defense mechanism. “Before you can reject me, I will reject you” is a way to try and prevent being hurt again.

We as a faith community must do better. We must be better. We must act better. We must always watch our words. Watch our actions. Watch our thoughts. Rejection has not only the potential to destroy someone’s life; it is a definite outcome if left unchecked.

As followers of Christ we are called to love people without conditions. We are to follow in Christ’s footsteps and limit or even eliminate rejecting people. We need to practice the unconditional love of Christ in our relationships. We need to think about our actions. We need to consider our words. We need to be more humane, but also more Christ-like. We need to help heal those who hurt. We need to stand up against injustices. We need love.

In Luke 4:18-19 it says:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me. He has chosen me to tell good news to the poor. He sent me to tell prisoners that they are free and to tell the blind that they can see again. He sent me to free those who have been treated badly and to announce that the time has come for the Lord to show his kindness.”

Like Jesus we are also called to set the prisoners free, heal the blind and set those free who have been treated badly. We must show kindness to people.

How have you treated those near and dear to you lately? Have you followed in Christ’s footsteps? Have you refrained from rejecting others?

There is a saying by Lao Tzu that reminds us to check what we say and do and I want to share it with you:

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

May God bless us with wisdom and insight to treat others with dignity and respect and most of all, with love.